Self-Experiment: Coffee Is A Scam

For longer than I’m proud of, I’ve been living Groundhog Day.

I’d get up in the morning, feeling a little groggy. To counteract my grogginess like everybody else on the planet, I’d drink some coffee.

And then some.

And then some more.

Five to six cups a day were the norm. If I lost count, maybe even more. Yet I had one deal with myself: no coffee after 1 pm.

Then, between 2 pm and 3 pm, it would happen.

From having an extreme amount of energy and joy, everything would go to sub zero on the happy scale. It’s no over-exaggeration calling it complete hopelessness. No joy whatsoever.

For the longest time, I didn’t know why. I ate good food, exercised every day, and…had subpar sleep. Who would’ve thought consuming so much caffeine it would give a grown elephant heart palpitations was a bad idea?

No wonder my system tried to turn itself on and off again.

For the last couple of days, I went back to two cups a day. Even though that’s still a lot of caffeine, I had withdrawal symptoms. But nothing compared to when I tried quitting coffee cold turkey before. In the past when I wanted to stop an addiction, I’d just do it cold turkey. I used to consume nicotine. Kicking that stuff was easy compared to the goodness that is the black elixir of life. Horrible headaches, irritability, and a daily death wish are the norm when you go from about five to six cups a day to zero. On the positive side, I feel much better during the day. My energy stays consistent and I can focus much better.

That’s why I propose another self-experiment: after a week, I’ll reduce my intake to one cup a day. After one more week, I’ll go down to zero. Because some of the bad side effects when drinking coffee have already disappeared. I started drinking it when I was in my late twenties. Before that, I’d never needed a nap during the day. After every anxiety-juice escapade I’d have to lie down in the afternoon. The logic made sense in the beginning: if I already have a lot of energy naturally, then with coffee I’ll be unstoppable! But instead of overclocking your brain, it fries your circuits.

But this solution does not work for everyone. Studies of the general population lets us forget sometimes that we’re all individuals. A human being is such a complex system that some solutions might work for some while failing others. That’s why experimentation is key. There’s no right or wrong here. You can only trust your personal experience.

I’ll get back with the results in the coming days. Even though me quitting will create a downturn in the global coffee market, this is a sacrifice I’m willing to make for creating a better experience of life.