Travel Alone

It's been three days since I've seen the light of day. That's not how I imagined paradise. Instead, I've suffered hell for the past 72 hours.

I just started my travels. My first destination was Thailand. But not just anywhere in the land of smiles: Koh Tao is where everything began.

The first days were great: I met up with people that I hadn't seen in 18 months. I went scuba diving in the ocean for the first time. I ate Thai food on a level that you can't find outside of the motherland. Meeting people from all over the world became the norm. Going for a swim in the sea was not just my morning routine, but also fantastic (except the time I cut my toe on a sharp piece of rock).

But this goodness wasn't here to last.

On the fifth day, I got incredibly ill.

You're in a foreign country where you don't really know anyone. You're alone in a dark room. You had to get stitches on your foot yesterday, so you can't walk properly. Every time you think of food, your whole bodily system rebels in ways I don't want to go into further detail.

What do you do?

About a month later, I travel to Indonesia. Right after landing, I realize that I need a visa for this country. Spontaneous Tommy loves booking flights, but is an abomination of a researcher.

I pull out my smartphone to buy a visa online – and click on the first website. One of these websites claiming they can help you if something goes wrong during your trip.

In my defense, I was tired and in a rush.

Still doesn't excuse the stupidity to enter my credit card details.

I walk up to the passport check counter. A man's sitting there with a stern face. I show him my passport and the visa I just paid for – and he tells me it's invalid. His words echo in my mind to this day: "Haha, you got scammed bro."

Scammed. Me. A proud geek for all that's digital.

A wonder I didn't send some money to a prince that knows my second-degree cousin.

Now they have my credit card details. I immediately block my credit card.

Not-so-fun fact: it's the only credit card I have. The only other card I have is a debit card.

And businesses hate debit cards.

Thirty seconds after I blocked my credit card, I get an email. An email from the "provider" of the visa.

Freaking scammers have nerve.

But the email isn't empty. A PDF is attached to it. Luckily for me, I know the iron rule: never ever open attachments of an email if you don't know the sender.

I open the attachment.

Instead of opening a script that steals my identity, bank account credentials, and my own mother, I stare at a visa for Indonesia. A valid visa.

I walk up to the passport check counter once again. I show the guy the PDF I received.

"That's a valid visa. Why didn't you show it to me before?"

At that moment, going to an Indonesian jail seems worth it if I get to punch him and then immediately myself afterward.

I get into the country, but I don't have a way to pay for anything.

Except this freaking debit card.

Again, what do you do?

Far away from home with no access to your money?

Traveling alone tests you in ways like these over and over again. This sounds like I want to disparage you from traveling alone. But the opposite is the case: it lets you build your decision-making muscle. The more you exercise this muscle, the more you happen to life instead of it happening to you.

What I've realized after a while is that I don't have to fear decisions. Decision by decision, I was collecting evidence that my problem-solving skills were right more often than they were wrong. The bar wasn't that high, since I gave my problem-solving skills a pass if I was still breathing at the end of the day, but still.

But it builds confidence – confidence in the form of self-trust.

So the greatest boon you receive from traveling alone is confidence, right?

Not by a long shot.

The greatest insight reveals itself only after many weeks without anybody you know.

Living in our modern world feels like being bound to a stake while a megaphone blurts out every single thought and opinion by everybody else. The external noise is so loud that you can't hear your inner voice anymore. Ideas and opinions of others get so loud and are repeated so much that you mistakenly believe they are yours.

But after traveling alone for a while, these noises quiet (especially if you deactivate your social media). Also, no one you know is with you, so their presence doesn't influence your experience either.

That doesn't mean you should not meet new people while traveling. They will enrich your adventure. New people are part of the unknown environment you're in. They will help you shatter your current beliefs by expanding your perspective. Just don't take anything from your old environment with you.

That's when the beliefs and ideas you hold will get challenged the most. I can't count the times I asked myself why I believe a particular thing. Do I even believe it or did the belief become so ingrained that it automatically pops up?

And this gives you the opportunity of a lifetime: you will get to know yourself.

I'm going to be brutally honest with you: before I set out on my travels, I didn't enjoy my own company that much.

You might think that you already know yourself completely. I don't know you, but I can tell you that you don't know yourself either if you've never spent a significant amount of time on your own.

But after about three months of travel, I realized something:

I don't just enjoy my own company – I love it. After all the mental garbage had cleaned itself out, I loved the company of me, myself, and I. This gives you so much freedom, because then you're not dependent on somebody else.

Think you don't need anyone? Think again.

Needing someone else doesn't mean you're sociable. It means you're incomplete. Not in a way that you're lacking. But you've not yet become your truest self.

The people who jump from one romantic relationship to the next in the hope of forgetting the last. The friend who always wants to hang out because he fears silence.

Of course we humans crave connection. The relationships to other human beings is probably the most beautiful treasure you can find in your life. But sometimes relationships to others can turn into noise and drown out the relationship you have with yourself.

But filling the gap that is between your true self and your current self with the relationship to somebody else is destined to fail. It's not fair to them either: having to complete somebody else is a heavy burden to carry. It's also not fair to you. It might feel good in the short-term because you can circumvent the pain involved in becoming, but you never get to be your true self, either.

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
– C.G. Jung

I don't claim to have become my truest self. This process takes a lifetime. There's also a high chance that we will never complete it. Yet coming as close as possible is a worthwhile goal.

Travel in silence. Walk in silence. Sit in silence. You will be amazed how interesting your inner world is.

And when you get to know this inner world, you get to know yourself. Your true essence. And when you bring it forth and share it with other people, then you've given not only yourself but everybody the greatest gift there is.

That's why I urge you to travel alone, because you will find everything you need: yourself.