Travel Log — Chapter 2: Pandemonium in Paradise

Koh Tao is beautiful during the month of January. But a problem looms as well.

There. Are. A. Lot. Of. People.

The bells of hell beckon in paradise.

If you want to experience an authentic Thailand, January on Koh Tao might not be your best bet (or Koh Tao overall for that matter). For every local, there’s a whole family tree of foreigners visiting the island.

But as a tourist, there’s also an upside – especially when you’re traveling alone.

It’s never been easier to meet people.

I didn’t have that problem anyway, because Jeannine introduced me to all her friends. The most amazing part wasn’t that they were phenomenal people. They were also all divers. But the best diver of all was Jeannine herself.

This helped me tremendously, since I had only completed the open water diver at the time. This allows me to go into the water to my knees.

I love diving, but I was still nervous. I hadn’t gone diving for at least a year. I didn’t have a lot of experience, either.

Jeannine quizzed me on the most important concepts. I recalled them well enough.

I remembered the most important parts of my training. Jeannine deemed me ready to explore the underwater world once again.

Five minutes later, we were underwater – and I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I left out some important information. I’ve told you that I completed my diving certificate, but not where I did it. Out of all places, I completed the open water diver in Switzerland. In a lake. In September.

For all non-divers who might not understand what this means: you can’t see anything.

Diving in a Swiss lake and then diving in the ocean is like just knowing your local country fare and then going to Disneyland.

If you think the crowdedness is an on-land problem only, you’re mistaken. Koh Tao’s dive sites feel like Disneyland not just because of the sense of awe they elicit, but also because of the lines. Yes, you read that right. Sometimes, you have to queue for a dive site (no fast passes available).

We got lucky during our dive, because there aren’t a lot of people around in the early afternoon. I’d love to show you the video I took on my action cam, but the footage is unusable.

After the dive, it was just about time to watch the sunset. Jeannine and her friends knew the perfect spot for it. Problematically, they also weren’t the only ones aware of this spot.

We watched the sunset from the so-called “Secret Bar”:

After this long and eventful day, it was time to go to bed.

The next day, Jeannine, Lena and I went to a beautiful beach where baby sharks hang around. I even got to see one!

But then the ocean dealt me her first blow.

While walking out of the water, I stepped on a sharp rock. I knew immediately that it was a deep cut. Stepping out of the water and seeing the injury confirmed my suspicion: I had to get stitches.

Off to the island clinic I went. The ladies and gents were phenomenal. They clearly had a lot of experience with such injuries.

If you think meditation gets you into the present moment, try getting a shot into an open wound.

IT HURTS!

But I had to protect my masculinity, so I only cried for three minutes.

It’s normal for stuff like that to happen when you’re traveling. I didn’t fret the situation much, although I was bummed out I wasn’t allowed to go diving for some days. I thought the worst was over.

Until biology failed me.

It started in the morning. I woke up early, rolled to the right of my bed, and felt it immediately.

Something in my belly was very, very wrong.

At first, I thought that if I’d ignore it long enough, it would go away. Nope. Whatever was roaring through my intestines was here to stay. The so-called “Bangkok belly” had me in its grasps. The Bangkok belly is the unfortunate experience many tourists make during their stay in Thailand because their intestines mistake normal food for something dangerous – and then engage every bodily system to get these nutrients out. In every way possible.

With the fastest sprint to the toilet the world had ever seen, four days of hell began.

I’m going to spare you the details, but it was wild.

The only things I could eat were salt pretzels, a tasteless protein shake, and dark chocolate.

But feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t help (trust me, I’ve tried it multiple times).

On the bright side: never been more ripped before. The Bangkok belly is great for the beach body but bad for mental health – and every plumber out there.

On the fifth day, I was my normal self again. Sadly, Jeannine was about to leave the island. Since I wasn’t that keen on diving anymore and I wanted to see something else as well, I made plans for my next destination. I’d go and explore the big city herself: Bangkok.